


No pain, no gain (the gain is trauma)

by Windfighter



Category: Digimon Frontier
Genre: Camp Nanowrimo, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt Kouji, Hurt No Comfort, Torture, Whump, a little comfort at the end, as a treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:48:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23937139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windfighter/pseuds/Windfighter
Summary: After Kouji gets kidnapped on the way to Kouichi the worst week of his life starts. Will they find him before it's too late?
Kudos: 14





	No pain, no gain (the gain is trauma)

**Author's Note:**

> I can't with summaries. Or titles. Or tags. Anyway this is just a terrible excuse to practice writing some torture (and get some words together for Camp NaNoWriMo). If whump is not your cup of tea you should probably look in another direction. Otherwise glad to have you onboard and enjoy this story!

There was pain. Kouji blinked, tried to wake up. His head felt heavy and he closed his eyes again. He was on the floor, the concrete was hard and rough against his cheek. A quick check to make sure he wasn't injured too badly – he wiggled his toes, moved his feet and stretched his knees. Pain flared up in his arm and a shudder went through his body before he blacked out again.

His head felt less heavy the second time he woke up. He stayed still, focused on his breathing and tried to remember what had happened. He remembered school, saying goodbye to Takuya. Walking. He was going to Kouichi, but he couldn't remember if he made it there. Either he'd gotten a really bad blow to the head or he had gotten snatched on the way there.

Oh... he was kidnapped. He groaned and started rolling over to his back. Pain flared up in his arm again and he wanted to stop but the momentum had already been started. Bone shifted under him as his body weight was moved and bile rose up in his throat. He rolled off the shoulder, felt it shift, and he was on his back. He swallowed the bile back and clenched his eyes shut.

”No more moving”, he told himself when the pain was no longer blinding hot. ”Shit, that will make getting out harder.”

”What makes you think you'll get out?”

Kouji blinked, turned his head. Bars. The room he was in wasn't big, a small storage unit and easy to get out of, as long as you can move. He blinked again. A person broke free from the hazy shadows. Kouji let out a sigh and looked back to the ceiling.

”How long are you gonna hold me?”

_Kouichi probably wondered where I went and contacted dad. The police should be on the case already._

”The demands for your release has been sent”, the person answered. Their voice was smooth and would have been calming, close to hypnotic, if Kouji hadn't been in so much pain. ”How long until we let you out depends on the attorney now.”

The attorney... Kouji closed his eyes. His head was less heavy, but his brain was still fuzzy. Most likely a concussion, grade two maybe. It made it hard to focus and he noticed his mind started drifting, started focusing more on the concrete under him than what he really needed to focus on. He bit himself in the cheek. The attorney had to be his dad, they had talked about the possibility of this exact situation a few times after a previous kidnapping. Kouji had told his dad to never ever give in to the demands and maybe the pain made him regret that a little right now, but he still hoped his dad would honor it.

Memories from previous kidnappings started clogging up his brain and he let out a sigh.

”That's not helpful.”

”I'm not trying to be helpful.”

Kouji opened his eyes and turned his head towards the bars again. The person was still there, dressed in a casual suit and their eyes hidden behind sunglasses which Kouji would argue was a little overkill.

”Wasn't talking to you”, he said and tried to keep his voice from wavering. ”Brain's doing things.”

He couldn't see their eyes but he could _feel_ the way they raised their eyebrow. Or maybe he was imagining due to the concussion, he couldn't tell at this point. The person seemed to make up their mind about something and turned their back to Kouji.

”We'll be back later. I'd say 'enjoy your stay', but obviously I don't want that.”

They disappeared into the shadows again. Kouji carefully sat up, tried to move in a way that didn't make white-hot pain flare up and make him pass out. Once up he tried to breathe the pain away, tried to focus on anything else so he could get back to moving. He took in the room (bare, no items at all in it, concrete walls, concrete floor, concrete ceiling, iron bars making up the fourth wall and the door), gave up attempting to formulate a plan and took his jacket off instead. Bone shifted again as he pulled it off the broken arm.

”Count your blessings”, he muttered as he checked over the arm.

1) Kouichi had to know he was gone. 2) He was awake. 3) His dad was an _attorney_ , the police would surely listen to him. 4) The kidnappers didn't seem too intent on harming him. 5) Closed fracture. Not good but at least it didn't run the risk of getting infected. 6) He was more valueable alive than dead.

Number six might not be that much of a blessing if they change their mind about number four, Kouji's brain provided him but Kouji decided to ignore that for now. He tied the jacket into a sling and put the broken arm in it. Not perfect, but it would hold it steady enough so he could move around.

7) He was awake. That was important enough to count twice. 8) They hadn't stripped him, he still had his clothes and whatever was in his pockets. His backpack was gone though, hopefully left at the site as a clue. He went over to the door, pulled at it. 9) Very basic lock, easy to pick.

What did it say about his life that he knew how to pick locks and what to expect from kidnappings? He let out a sigh. Maybe he should ask his dad to switch careers if he made it out.

...WHEN he made it out. They weren't going to kill him, the police would find him.

10) The broken arm had probably been a mistake. Kouji wasn't sure if that was a blessing _right now_ but if it was a mistake then they would go easier on him than they had planned from the beginning. Hopefully he'd be out before then though. He tried to get an overview of the corridor outside of his cell but it laid mostly in darkness and his head started hurting when he forced it to focus. Instead he sank down by the wall. There wasn't much he could do but wait.

Waiting was boring. Kouji tried to keep track of the passing time, but he drifted in and out of consciousness and lost it. His captors stopped by with food once, but didn't talk to him. No news is good knews, Kouji assumed. More waiting. Kouji checked his pockets only to realize that the most helpful things were tucked in his backback. That would make getting out hard to impossible and he'd have to trust that they would find him.

The person returned, followed by two burly men who made the person almost look comically small. They opened the door. A warning clock fired off in Kouji's mind and he shot to his feet. He moved too fast, his vision disappeared and his head swam and he wouldn't have been able to defend himself against even a fly. He started tilting forward but an arm wrapped around him, disturbed his broken arm and he blacked out.

He was in a chair when he came back to reality. A camera was pointed at him, ropes holding him in place. He looked around the room, but it was just as dark as his cell. A lamp was aimed at him, making him the only bright spot in the room, but he could make out the silhouette of a a door. It would be perfect if the police would bust through it at that moment, but the doors remained unbusted.

”Should talk to dad about security guards”, he stated out loud.

It got a snort out of a person behind the camera. Kouji may or may not have let out a surprised yelp as he turned back towards it. The person gave him a loopsided grin he could barely make out.

”Dun worrie kid, ye'll get outta he' soon.”

”Before or after the torture?”

Another snort, the person disappeared behind the camera again. Steps echoed and the person with the smooth voice appeared, followed by a person who looked a lot less smooth. Kouji swallowed back the worry that was threatening to boil up in his stomach.

”I would prefer not to come out of this with brain damage so be careful with the head”, he said, holding his gaze steady.

”And we would prefer if you would look into the camera and ask your father to agree to our terms.”

Kouji kept glaring at her, tried to straighten his back. She smiled and lowered the sunglasses a little, allowing her to look at him over the edge of them.

”No? I didn't really think you would.”

Her eyes glimmered yellow in the light. Lenses. She put the sunglasses back on and turned to the less smooth person. He grinned, and Kouji's stomach filled with dread. He had gotten older since the last kidnapping and he knew that a higher age was not a blessing in these situations, even if it was just a couple of years. The smooth-voiced woman nodded to the man, then turned her back to them and disappeared through the door. A piece of leather was placed between Kouji's teeth and tied into place. More worry filled him.

”You really should do as she says.”

The man's voice was rough, not calming at all, but it also wasn't demanding, wasn't ordering him. The worry spilled over and he started pulling at the ropes holding him, flinchng in pain as it moved his broken arm. He was stuck with someone who enjoyed this which meant anything could happen.

”We'll start with the boring stuff and move on from there, what do you say about that?”

Kouji didn't say anything. The chair was tipped back and a damp cloth placed over his face. Waterboarding. He almost relaxed. He had tried waterboarding himself at home just to prepare if anything like this would happen. Except doing it on your own could never prepare you for the real deal.

Water ran over his face, splashed onto his clothes. He felt like he was suffocating, like he was going to black out. They gave him five seconds of reprieve, five seconds to catch his breath, and then started again. And again. He struggled against the restraints, could feel the rope burning against his wrist as it cut through the skin. It felt like hours but had probably only been five minutes when the chair was raised again. He slumped forward, although only by a milimeter, and tried to get oxygen back into his system. The world was fuzzy around him, his eyes unable to focus.

”Will you do it now?”

 _Never_ , he wanted to say but the lether made it impossible. He shook his head. Whispers could be heard to the side, but he wasn't listening, was still focusing on gathering himself. The beating started just as his vision was returning to normal. Calculated, only meant to roughen him up but not to cause any lasting harm. He'd get a black eye, some bruises. A fist collided with his shoulder, sent a jolt of pain through his whole arm, and he blacked out.

He came back to shouting. His head was pounding. He wanted to be home, but he'd settle for his cell. The shouting stopped. A hand was placed on his shoulder. His _injured_ shoulder, he realized now. The pain in his arm had hidden the pain from the shoulder before but now, with the hand resting there, it was all he could think about. The fingers pressed into it and he felt like he was going to throw up.

”Are you in _pain_ little one?”

Kouji focused on breathing. The fingers pressed harder.

”It will stop if you do what we ask of you.”

The man pressed even harder and Kouji couldn't breathe. He glanced at the camera, at the person behind it. The leather was removed from his mouth and the green light appeared. The camera was recording.

”D-dad”, his voice waivered, he couldn't keep it steady. ”Please, whatever you do...”

The grip on his shoulder loosened up ever so slightly. Kouji steadied his gaze, looked straight into the camera before they could do anything.

”...don't give them what they want.”

A hand collided with his face and he was out like a light.

Kouji was shivering. The cell was cold, colder now that his clothes were damp. He curled up in a corner as far from the door as possible, tried to contain what little warmth he could.

 _Blessing number one_ , he repeated to himself, _Kouichi knows I'm gone._

Steps echoed in the corridor. He wanted to get up, wanted to be ready to defend himself, but his body wouldn't move. Instead he curled up more, the pain in his arm flaring up and forcing a cry from him.

”Sorry 'bout yer arm, kid.”

The camera-person from before. Kouji pressed against the wall and the camera-man stopped outside the door.

”Can I come in? Brought ye some food.”

Kouji tried to look threatening, but the door still opened and the man entered. There was a basket in his hand and Kouji's eyes zeroed in on that. He pushed himself into sitting position, grunted at the pain that made its way through his body. The man stopped, although Kouji could tell from the way one of his feet moved infront of the other that he wanted to hurry closer.

”Can't give ye a blanket tho”, the man said as he squated and started emptying the basket onto the floor. ”They want to soften ye up.”

”You the good guy supposed to convince me to help?”

The man snorted.

”Nah, kid. Name's Rex. Ye should eat.”

Rex pushed a sandwich across the floor. It bumped into Kouji's leg and Kouji took it up, stared at Rex.

”'s not poison.”

Blessing number 11) they kept him fed. He looked at the other items Rex had placed on the floor: some bandages, a bottle of water, a towel. Rex gave him another loopsided grin.

”Gonna splint yer arm, if ye let me.”

Kouji unwrapped the sandwich, ate it while still staring at Rex. Rex didn't move, but also didn't seem uncomfortable under the scrutinizing. He whistled, picked up a newspaper from the basket and read it. Kouji finished the sandwich and threw the wrap to the side. Did he have anything to lose on letting Rex do it? He frowned, leaned his head against the wall. It was starting to pound again and he gave up on trying to think.

”Yeah, sure. Go ahead.”

Rex went ahead. He worked quickly, like it was something he had done countless of times before, and Kouji was amazed at the amount of pain it didn't cause.

”What's the towel for?” he asked, mostly to distract himself.

”If ye want to wash up. There's a bit o' blood on yer face.”

Kouji lifted his hand to his face, let out a small 'ah' and let it fall down again.

”I'm fine.”

”Suit yerself, kid.”

They fell quiet. Kouji tried to stay vigilant, but he was shivering, the headache made him tired, the concussion made his brain fuzzy and the pain made it hard to focus on anything else. Rex kept working, didn't offer any false consolations that it would be alright and it made Kouji feel like someone was at his side.

”Can't do much about yer shoulder”, Rex said and moved back, ”but that should help some.”

”Yeah.”

Kouji wanted to say thanks, but the word didn't make it past his lips. Rex gathered the remaining stuff, leaving the bottle of water on the floor.

”Don't forget to drink, kid”, he said before leaving the cell again.

Kouji closed his eyes. They'd be back soon, probably. He needed to gather his strenght.

The chair was even less inviting the second time. Rex grinned at him, but disappeared behind the camera when the other man arrived.

”Are you going to do what we ask of you this time, boy?”

”Over my dead body.”

”I can arrange that, you know.”

Kouji stuck his tongue out towards the man, who just smiled and tilted the chair back. The damp cloth was placed over Kouji's face again and then the stream of water started. Kouji pulled at the restraints, tried desperately to turn his head away, but it was impossible. Instead he tired himself out, made it harder for himself to hold his breath, harder to catch his breath during the short reprieves they gave him from the running water. He was coughing, was almost blacking out. He balanced on the edge of consciousness constantly. His lungs were burning, screaming for whatever oxygen he could provide.

Ten minutes, then he was sitting up again and the cloth was removed. The light on the camera was green, recording. Or was it live? Kouji's brain was too fuzzy to think, too fuzzy to listen to what the man was saying. He gasped for breath, coughed. He was freezing, his body shivering against the ropes restraining him. He wanted to be home, wanted nothing more than for the day to not have gone down this path.

The man and Rex left the room, left Kouji sitting in the chair. The light on the camera was red, the device turned off. Kouji pulled against the ropes again, tested them, but they were tight, gave him no room to wiggle around in, no way to loosen them up. He leaned his head back, relaxed. They would be back, he was certain.

_I guess since I won't try to sway dad, they're hoping to do it themselves. By using me._

It was even more important that he kept his strenght up and didn't let it show how badly it was affecting him. He closed his eyes, listened to the sounds around him. Water dripping, voices talking in another room, the wind howling through cracks in the wall, rats scratching in the walls. The occassional steps passing by the door. The door opening.

Kouji opened his eyes. It was just the man entering this time and Kouji kept his eyes glued to him. The man smiled, his teeth showing and all of them were way too perfect. It was a person who had gotten away with stuff, who could flaunt his perfectly groomed appearance and get away with almost everything as long as there was a scapegoat nearby. Rex, Kouji realized. Rex was the scapegoat. A collection of feelings he couldn't identify stabbed through his guts.

”You have a name?” he asked.

When the police got to him he could give them the name, could try to make sure Rex didn't take the fall for the man's crimes.

”You can call me Boss.”

”I'll call you Pear-head.”

Pear-head's body twitched. Kouji almost smiled, but Pear-head gathered himself, leaned over a table and took up a small etui.

”I was going to go easy on you, little one....”

Kouji almost snorted, waterboarding wasn't _easy_ by any stretch of the word, but fear locked all the air in his lungs. Pear-head untied Kouji's broken arm, pain exploded from the shoulder and the break as Pear-head moved it and tied it to the armrest on the chair instead.

”I'm a nice guy”, he said. ”I'll start with your already crippled arm.”

He disappeared behind the camera. Kouji tried to put on a neutral expression, tried to hide any trace of the pain. Pear-head reappeared, opened the etui and took out a needle. He didn't say anything, just flicked a lighter and let the small flame trace across the needle. Kouji's heartrate increased. His eyes followed the flame, followed the needle when the lighter was put away again. Pear-head smiled at him, a predatory grin Kouji was too distracted to notice. The needle hovered over his fingers and fear overwhelmed all other feelings battling inside Kouji. He tried to snatched the hand away, but only got searing hot pain in return. Pear-head placed his hand ontop of Kouji's, held it still, spread his fingers out and pressed them down so he couldn't move them.

And then – even more pain. Kouji's whole body tensed up as the needle were pressed into his thumb, right under the nail. Bile rose up in his throat, he tried moving away, but that only brought more pain. Pear-head let go of his hand, the needle still stuck in the thumb. Kouji's breaths were shallow, his eyes wide. Another needle was prepared and then Pear-head's hand was over Kouji's again. The second needle pushed into his index finger and his eyes teared up, he couldn't stop it. He could barely breathe.

Pear-head kept working. Kouji tried to focus on anything except the pain but with each needle it was getting increasingly harder. He lost track of time, but eventually Pear-head let go of him, shut off the camera and left the room. Kouji glanced at his hand. Blood was dripping from his fingertips, two needles sticking out of all of them. He took a shaky breath and leaned his head back again.

 _It could have been worse,_ he tried telling himself.

He didn't know how. He made a new attempt to pull at the restraints.

_They're looking for me. They have to be._

The door opened and Rex stepped through it. He didn't say anything, just pulled up a chair and started removing the needles from Kouji's fingers. Kouji winced, struggled to get away, but it didn't work. Rex bandaged up his fingers and then left. Kouji was alone.

1 hour went past. The chair was starting to get uncomfortable, Kouji's back was starting to ache. The room was quiet except for the rats. Maybe he could get them to chew through the ropes.

4 hours. Everything was aching. Kouji had slipped into dreamland for an hour and emerged confused, disappointed that his reality hadn't been but a bad dream. He made another attempt to break through the ropes. His head was hurting less, healing despite his current circumstances.

9 hours. Kouji had lost track of time. Instead he was starting to get crazy, seeing shapes that weren't there in the total darkness. There were no sounds except the ones that echoed in his head and he knew they weren't real because that was Kouichi's voice. Maybe he was still dreaming.

18 hours. The restraints were the only thing grounding him to reality. The pain in his arm still present but he had gotten numb to it, had gotten used to it. He couldn't feel his ass, his legs were tingling. He counted to 1000 over and over again just to keep his mind there.

2 days. How long did he have? He was so thirsty, his body had stopped shivering a few hours earlier. Had the police gotten them and forgotten him there? Was he going to starve to death? He saw his dad in the shadows and closed his eyes.

The door opened. Kouji could barely open his eyes, couldn't tell who it was.

”We just need you to convince your father to listen to us.”

The voice was smooth, calming. Something warm was placed over Kouji's body and if he hadn't been dehydrated he woud have cried.

”We don't want to hurt you like this, but your father is making a mistake and he won't listen to reason.”

That didn't sound like his dad, but Kouji didn't know enough about how his dad worked to accurately tell. Maybe the voice was correct, maybe he should help them. Something smooth was placed against his lips and water was poured into his mouth. He drank as much as he could, feeling some spill over, fall onto his shirt and making it damp. The glass was pulled away again.

”You're too young to have to suffer for your father's work, can't he see that?”

”S... security guards”, Kouji whispered.

His voice was rough, broken. He coughed, stopped trying to open his eyes. He was warmer now. How long had it been? A day? It felt like an eternity. He shivered under the blanket.

”You poor thing.”

A hand caressed his face. It was warm and he leaned against it. He felt safe. Part of his brain screamed at him, told him he couldn't relax, couldn't feel safe, couldn't let his guard down, but it was too easy to ignore.

”If your father cared he would have listened to us, would have allowed us to let you go.”

It was wrong, Kouji knew it was wrong, but it felt so right. His dad must not care, why else was he here, all alone?

”only... only one day.”

”You've been here for a week, dear.”

A week... It didn't sound right at all, but he could admit that he was lost. What was he doing before he ended up in the chair? He couldn't remember. Fingers pulled through his hair and then the warm hand was removed.

”I'll let you rest. Don't worry, as soon as your father does what we want you will be free to leave.”

Kouji nodded. It felt right to nod. He could be more comfortable, but he was warm, was allowed to rest. He slipped away into dreamland again.

Kouji was a little more there next time he woke up. He could recognize the signs of a fever spreading through his body. The chair had been tilted over, he wasn't sitting up but it wasn't comfortable. Blood was coming back to his legs, pins and needles spreading through them and Kouji flinched in discomfort. They must have laid him down recently. He was still tied up, but there wasn't any pain. In fact he couldn't feel his arm at all.

_Localized anesthesia. Why?_

He stared at the ceiling, waited. He heard shouting. Jazz music played just within hearing. Light entered the room as the door opened, but disappeared as it closed again. He couldn't get his head to turn towards the door. How fast could one go crazy?

”Ye gunna do wha' they ask, kid?”

Kouji blinked slowly. He didn't try to move.

”Ye might get away if ye do.”

”Hmm...”

Getting away sounded nice. How far would he be able to run before they caught up to him? Not long. He needed a plan. But his head was spinning and his eyelids felt heavy and he was unable to keep them open.

”Ey kid, ye with me?”

Kouji blinked himself back into awareness. Rex gave him a loopsided grin and gestured at the camera he was holding. Kouji wasn't sure he'd be able to even if he wanted to. Rex disappeared behind the camera and the green light appeared. Kouji struggled to focus his eyes on the camera.

”Da-” his voice died out. He coughed, tried to catch his breath so he could try again. ”Dad... I don't...”

Kouji's head got fuzzier. Staying awake was as much a struggle as figuring out what to say.

”...don't know what they want.”

He took a shaky breath. Rex was quiet behind the camera.

”Just... get me out.”

He let his eyes drop closed. He didn't have anything to add, there wasn't anything he could say. Rex left the room, and Kouji was alone again. He couldn't let himself relax. He forced his eyes open and counted backwards from 1000 to stay awake.

The restraints were removed. Kouji made no sound or movement to acknowledge what was happening. He was lifted out of the chair, thrown on his stomach on the floor. Air was knocked out of him, he couldn't breathe. His feet were lifted off the floor, a burst of adrenaline released in his body and he tried to wiggle away from whoever was holding him. Instead someone sat down on his back as his feet were tied to something about half a meter off the floor. It was uncomfortable and Kouji struggled to get loose. Between the person on his back, the broken arm and the tied feet he didn't manage to do anything. Even when his back was freed of the person he still couldn't get away.

Something hard hit his feet and sent a burning sensation up his legs. He let out a scream but immediately clenched his jaw shut. He wouldn't give them that. Whatever it was hit his feet again, sent another jolt of pain through his legs and another scream escaped him. He pulled at the rope around his ankles, but it didn't budge. Instead it scratched at his skin, inflicting even more pain.

He didn't keep track of how many times they hit him. He didn't want to and he wasn't able to anyway. His head was swimming – fever, dehydration and pain all working together to make him unable to work. He wanted out, wanted to be home, to be as far away from the chamber as possible.

They stopped hitting him. Strong arms pulled him to his feet and he swayed, but they forced him to move. He stumbled out of the room, down the corridor and then they shoved him into the cell again. It was colder now. Kouji curled into a ball in the corner, carefully putting his broken arm in his lap to protect it. He heard their steps disappear back from where they came, but he didn't move from the spot.

He sat there for hours. New steps could be heard, the door unlocking. He wanted to shoot up, tackle them, run outside and find freedom. His muscles were stiff, didn't do as he wanted them to, and he stayed curled up. It took a couple of minutes, then the steps came up to him.

”Hey, kid?”

He curled in tighter on himself, winced as it only brought him pain.

”Brought ye some food.”

Kouji shook his head and pressed closer to the wall. Something was placed on the floor.

”It's not poisoned, and ye need to... Look kid, I'm sorry this is happening.”

”Le-”, Kouji choked on a sob he couldn't let out. ”lemme out.”

”Cannae do that, kid. How's yer feet?”

Kouji didn't answer. Rex got up, left the cell again. Kouji uncurled just enough so he could reach the sandwich and bottle of water, then he curled up again. He wasn't hungry, but he still forced himself to eat the sandwich.

_They don't want me dead, I'm still more valueable alive, there's no way they've poisoned it._

He finished half of the water, decided to save some for later. He didn't know how long he'd be left alone this time. He remembered previous kidnappings, none of which had gone on for as long or been as intense. A shudder wrecked his body as the memories came way to close and he stopped thinking about it, forced his brain to try and think about something else, tried to force it into making a plan to escape, even though his chances to get out on his own were smaller now than they had been when he first was taken. It was starting to look like he had no other option.

Maybe if it was the woman who came to fetch him. She didn't seem as strong as the others, didn't seem as intent on hurting him. But on the other hand – Kouji had gotten the feeling she was some kind of boss and that meant she should be feared. He could try, if she came alone. Pear-head was most willing to hurt him and Kouji didn't want to see what would happen to him if he tried to escape. Rex was... Kouji swallowed. He hadn't been able to accurately gauge Rex and had no idea how hard it would be to get past him.

Kouji coughed. The coldness of the wall was seeping through his clothes and he shivered more with each passing second. He should move but there was no reprieve anywhere in the cell. He couldn't curl in on himself more, not without disturbing the break in his arm, so instead he suffered. The pain in his feet was slowly trickling away. All that was left for him to do was wait. Again.

A woman came to fetch him. She had a katana by her side and Kouji could tell from her stance that she knew how to use it. Trying to escape would have to wait.

”Get up”, was all she said.

She waited by the door. Kouji didn't move at first, hoping that she would go away if he didn't listen. But she just stared at him, waiting. It unnerved Kouji and he got to his feet, held his broken arm so it wouldn't be disturbed. She nudged the door open, nodded down the corridor. Kouji dragged his feet as much as he could. It would just be more torture. He coughed, his body shook from the force and he almost lost his footing. The woman didn't move to help him. There was something intimidating about the complete stillness over her. Kouji hurried up unintentionally, noticed it and started dragging his feet again. She let him, knowing just as well as Kouji that they weren't going far and he wouldn't be able to delay it for long.

They kept going further into the building, past the room Kouji had been in before. There was an open door, furniture blocking the corridor past it. Kouji hesitated by the open door. The woman let him and he took a few deep breaths to collect himself. What could be waiting him on the other side? He didn't know and a shudder went through his body as he imagined the worst possibilities. Maybe he should take his chances and escape.

He turned around, but his movements were slow, he made himself dizzy. He managed two steps, he wasn't sure in which direction, and then stopped as the sharp edge of a sword rested against his neck. The woman glared at him.

”Get in.”

He had tried her patience enough, he could tell. She took a step forward and he backed. They kept moving until Kouji backed into a table and fell down onto it. Her katana still rested against his neck and Kouji glanced to the side to see what was going to happen.

Rex was there. He gave Kouji a loopsided smile, but there was worry in his eyes. Or maybe Kouji was just projecting his own worry. Rex came up to the table, tied Kouji to it using wide leather straps. Kouji wanted to say something snarky, but nothing came to his mind, his mouth was dry and as Rex tightened a strap over Kouji's chest it got harder for him to breathe. The katana was put away, the woman pulled at the straps and nodded before the two of them left again.

Kouji's breaths were shallow. He wasn't alone for long, Pear-head stepped inside with a huge bag in his hand. Kouji just hoped that whatever Pear-head was planning would be over quickly.

There was noise. Voices shouting and doors slamming. Kouji tried to focus on that, tried to ignore the trickling of blood from his head, his chest and his arms. Rex froze next to him, only for a second, then kept untying the leather straps. Kouji was starting to slide down from the table, but Rex pressed against him, held him in place so he wouldn't hurt himself more as he fell to the floor.

”Yer doin' good, kid.”

Kouji couldn't answer. He was starting to slip away from conciousness. His body was shivering, covered in sweat and blood.

”Yer doin' good...”

The door slammed open. Bright light flooded the room.

”They're in here! Hands up! Back away slowly!”

Voices blurred together. Rex started backing away and Kouji started sliding again. Rex stopped moving.

”I cannae, kid'll fall.”

”Back. Away.”

The police. Kouji fought against oblivion. Hands were on him, Rex was pulled away. There was relief, and then Pain as he slid down, fell off the table and landed on the floor. A scream tried to escape him, but it sounded strangled.

”Get the paramedics in here!”

Kouji was safe. He didn't need to fight any longer, didn't need to stay strong. He let the darkness embrace him.

There was no pain when Kouji woke up, only memories. He hoped they were just memories of a bad dream but as he opened his eyes to a bright white room those hopes disappeared. He didn't move, just stared at the ceiling and listened to the machines around him. Hospital. A nurse showed up, did something to one of the machines and he fell back asleep.

Kouichi's face was hovering above Kouji the next time he woke up. Kouji blinked, decided it wasn't worth the struggle and let his eyes close again.

”Hey”, he managed.

His voice was rough and his throat ached. Kouichi's hand was on his uninjured shoulder, a glass placed against his lips and water brushed against them. Kouji opened his mouth and drank greedily. He would have kept going, but Kouichi removed the glass. A chair scraped against the floor, a hand grabbed Kouji's.

”Hey”, Kouichi whispered. ”You should go back to sleep. I'll be here and dad will come soon.”

”Mmm...”

Kouichi was still there when Kouji woke up again. He felt less bone-deep tired, could keep his eyes open. It took time for his eyes to focus, but Kouichi was smiling at him when he managed.

”m'rn.”

”Want to try that again?”

Kouji didn't. Instead he tried sit up, but was stopped by Kouichi.

”You have a remote for that.”

”Cyborg”, Kouji giggled.

”Not exactly”, but Kouichi was smiling and Kouji took that as a win.

A remote was placed in Kouji's hand, but he couldn't get his fingers to press the buttons. They were shaking, couldn't put out enough force, and Kouichi took it back again before grabbing Kouji's hand.

”You're going to be fine”, there was a barely noticeable quiver in Kouichi's voice. ”You don't.... you're gonna be fine.”

Someone entered the door. Kouji turned his head, had to wait a few seconds for his eyes to readjust, for his brain to catch up to the movement. His dad. Kouji's eyes teared up.

”D-dad...”

His voice broke. Kousei hurried to the hospital bed, leaned down to hug him. The hug was careful, Kouji could barely feel it. He lifted his hand, grabbed Kousei's shirt. His fingers wouldn't hold on to it, but he was desperate for his dad's presence. Kousei didn't move until Kouji calmed down and was able to breathe again.

”We'll talk about it when you feel better, okay?”

Kouji nodded into Kousei's shoulder. Kousei let go of him, sat down in the chair and squeezed Kouji's hand. Kouji's eyes fell closed, he was already exhausted again.

”Ichi...?”

”He'll be back soon, you just rest.”

Kouji didn't want to, but his body was of a different opinion. He didn't fell asleep, but found himself in a half-sleeping state, not quite aware of what was going on and only occassionally catching something that was happening. Kouichi returning, their mom stopping by, a police officer, some yelling, the sun disappearing below the horizon. Everytime he became aware someone would squeeze his hand, assure him that they were still there, and he would slip back into oblivion.

Eventually he fell asleep for real. His dreams were plagued, made him feel trapped, and he woke up drenched in sweat and with a scream on his lips, the dream disappearing as he tried to hold on to it. He managed to fall back asleep but the pattern repeated and he was glad when the moring arrived.

The doctor stopped by but Kouji zoned out during the talk. They lowered the dose of whatever painkiller they had given him which made him feel less out of loop, although he wasn't sure it was a good trade since the pain was slowly creeping into his awareness instead. His hands were less shaky, he could use the remote for his bed and raised the headend of it as soon as he managed to convince his dad to let him.

Overall the stay at the hospital was uneventful. Everyone avoided talking about what had happened, Kouji included. He had finally managed to listen to the doctors (fractured arm, dislocated shoulder, lacerations to his chest and arms, concussion. The nails on his hand had fallen off, infections had spread in the wounds. Bruising to most of his body, a broken rib that he had no clue when it happened, a small fracture in his right foot. Fever. Summary: He wasn't in a very good shape) and had been ordered another week of rest.

He was out of the hospital, finally. He had started getting restless, even though his body still demanded a lot of sleep. He fell asleep in the car on the way home and didn't wake up until Kousei tried to get him out without waking him up.

”Dad, I can walk.”

”I know.”

Kousei backed away and Kouji pushed himself out, groaned as his injuried protested the movement. He knew his dad was watching him with worry and he tried to walk without a limp, without wincing. It didn't work, he could tell, but he _tried._ He collapsed on the couch when he made it inside.

”I'm not moving for a week.”

Kousei ruffled his hair and disappeared into the kitchen. Some unidentified feeling made itself known in Kouji's chest and he got up again, followed Kousei. He leaned against the door frame, watched as his dad rummaged around in the fridge.

”Dad...” Kousei froze for just a second and Kouji kept talking. ”We need to talk about it, don't we?”

”We...” Kousei let out a sigh, closed the door and turned to Kouji. ”It can wait until you feel better.”

Neither of them was good at talking about feelings and stuff and Kouji nooded, sank down on one of the chairs. Kousei started preparing dinner and Kouji was desperate to help, was desperate too feel some semblance of normal after everything, but he couldn't. Everything was starting to hurt again. Kousei noticed his pained face as he served the dinner.

”Painkiller?”

Kouji wanted to say no, wanted to not need any more medicine, but the pain was getting hard to ignore so he nodded. Kousei gave him the pills and a glass of water and Kouji took them. They ate in silence and when the food was gone Kouji was tired again. He sighed, rubbed his eye, Kousei put the dishes away and then looked at Kouji.

”...Do you _want_ to talk about it?”

”I'm not... I feel like I should? Or else I'm going to need a therapist again.”

”True.”

Kousei looked sad. Sad and guilty. Kouji leaned back, closed his eyes. He listened as his dad made a cup of coffee.

”What did they want?”

Kousei sat down on the other side of the table, held the cup of coffee in a firm grip and looked at Kouji.

”We have a high-ranking member of their gang, they wanted me to drop the charges.” Kousei sighed. ”I wanted to but...”

”Dad, I'm...” Kouji opened his eyes. ”You didn't do anything wrong.”

”I feel like I should have done more.”

”There's nothing more _either of us_ could have done.”

Kouji knew he was trying to convince himself, because maybe he could have struggled more, resisted more, done anything, but thinking about that was the path to madness and he _knew_ that. Kousei looked at him, his eyes carried such a deep sadness that Kouji had to look away.

”You're _thirteen_ ”, Kousei whispered.

Kouji understood what it meant. He was thirteen – too young to have to deal with things like this, too young to suffer through them and too young to help his dad through it on top of it all. He stood up, he wanted to lie down.

”It is what it is”, he admitted.

It had happened. It had happened before. It might happen again. It was part of why he had started with kendo. He nodded towards the living room.

”I'm gonna collapse on the couch. Do you want to watch a movie?”

”A movie sounds nice, let's do that.”

Kouji was left alone at home the next day. He had told his dad it would be fine, he could handle it – the perpetrator had been caught and there was nothing to worry about. It wasn't wrong, the logic was right. Emotions doesn't always listen to reason. He tried to relax, tried to rest, but his body was nervous, he kept getting up, kept checking the doors, checking the windows, kept making sure everything was locked. Each time there was a tiny sound he would tense up, would instinctively get ready to fight.

Sometimes he heard the echo of steps in his mind and he couldn't breathe. He stayed stilled, pressed against a wall and waited for it to disappear. His body trembled as he waited for someone to grab him.

Kouichi stopped by after school. They were supposed to hang out, to do something, but with Koucihi there Kouji's body could finally relax and he fell asleep. Kouichi let him and he slept until Kousei came back home. They spent the evening watching movies.

The next morning Kouichi showed up just as Kousei was leaving. Kouji looked up from the couch, raised an eyebrow in confusion. Kousei left and Kouichi sat down on the floor next to the couch where Kouji was lying.

”You can sleep, I have some homework to do anyway.”

”Why are you here?”

”Figured you would appreciate it.”

Kouji couldn't disagree. He pulled the blanket higher and fell back asleep. When he woke up two hours later he wasn't sure if he had just dreamt but when he opened his eyes Kouichi stood next to the couch with a tray in his hands.

”Breakfast?”

”I had breakfast.”

Kouji wasn't lying, but he had only managed to eat one slice of toast for breakfast. Kouichi snorted.

”Dad told me. How about second breakfast?”

Kouji's stomache grumbled and he sat up.

”Second breakfast sounds good.”

He ate better this time, although he didn't manage everything Kouichi had brought out. Kouichi sat next to him, a book balanced on one knee and a laptop on the other. The laptop had been a gift from Kousei and Kouji had nagged Kouichi for months to get him to accept something like that. Kouji pushed the tray away and leaned back and Kouichi put the work away. He started saying something but Kouji cut him off.

”You're missing school.”

He didn't mean to sound as accusatory as he did, he was glad to have his brother close by, but he also didn't want to be the reason Kouichi fell behind in school. Kouichi blushed.

”Only for a few days, it's not a problem. Takuya and Izumi will fill me in later and I'm already a little ahead in a few subjects.”

”I just don't...” Kouji sighed. ”I'm glad you're here. Thanks.”

”Do you... do you want to talk about it?”

Kouji's eyes teared up. He swallowed, tried to put a lid back over his emotions but Kouichi's soft question had broken the wall of the pot.

”yeah”, his voice broke. ”yeah, I do.”

And he told Kouichi everything.

Kouji wasn't really looking forward to meeting his friends again. 1) They could be mother-henning to a fault. 2) They would want to know what happened. 3) They would pretend to not want to know what happened. 4) It took a lot of energy to keep up with them and he did not have that right now.

Kouji definately looked forward to seeing his friends again. He missed them, he missed the normalcy hanging with them could bring to his life. He was home from the hospital, was resting and healing, but everything still felt alien, felt out of order, and he wanted to get back to his life.

He just... didn't really want to meet them at home. He wanted to go outside, get some fresh air, see the park. Anything except the walls of his home. Both Kouichi and Kousei had protested the idea. He wasn't being kept prisoner, but it was his fourth day at home, a Sunday, and he was still sore and weak and tired. He stood his ground though, he wanted to get outside and the yard wasn't enough. Kouichi had agreed to it after a few minutes, their dad shortly after.

Kouji had his clothes on. The door was open, Kouichi was waiting on the porch. It was just a small step. Three small steps. Kouji took one of them. He still walked with a limp, the boot he had been prescribed did not make walking easier but at least he was allowed to put weight on his foot. His body started trembling as he got closer to the door, his breathing got quicker. He was panicking and he froze in the spot. But he couldn't admit defeat. He looked at Kouichi, who was still waiting. Kouichi didn't say anything, only smiled at him, and Kouji tried taking another step.

Tried being the operative word. His body refused to move, wouldn't allow him to take that small step towards freedom. He clenched his hand, bit his lip. His emotions were spilling over, the medicine he was on messing with his ability to handle them normally. His eyes were getting wet, but Kouichi still didn't say anything, didn't tell him to forget it, that he could text the others and ask them to come over instead. Kouji was grateful for that. But he knew he was defeated and Kouichi's non-pushyness was the only reason he managed to take a step back. He still looked away though.

”Let's... let's meet them here instead.”

Kouichi nodded, came back inside and texted Takuya. They would arrive a few minutes later. Kouji and Kouichi sat down in the couch to wait. Kouichi grabbed some snacks for them to eat while they waited.

They all showed up at the same time. Takuya grinned at him, was about to slap his back but Izumi stopped him and gave him a glare that would have made him drop dead if he wasn't so oblivious. Instead he flopped down on the floor infront of the couch and waited while Tomoki hooked up one of the game consoles they had. They argued for a while over what game to play and it was so stupidly _normal_ Kouji didn't know how to feel. He had to leave the room and sank down by the kitchen table. He leaned his head in his hand, closed his eyes and focused on breathing for a couple of minutes.

”Hey”, Izumi's voice interrupted.

”Hey”, Kouji answered without looking at her.

”Are we too much? You can tell us.”

”No, it's just...”

He didn't know how to explain it and instead he gave a half-hearted shrug. She sat down next to him.

”I'm not going to lie and say we understand because we don't. But we're here when you need us and nothing has changed between us. You're still our friend who we love very much. We just wanted to show you that.”

”I know, I'm grateful. It's just... _nothing has changed._ ”

Izumi put her arms around Kouji and pulled him in for a hug.

”Everything has changed. And the more things change, the more they stay the same.”

”You stole that.”

Izumi laughed.

”You can't deny the truth. Do you want to stay here a while?”

He glanced towards the door, took a deep breath and smiled towards Izumi.

”No, I want... I want my life back.”

She returned his smile and they got up and returned to their friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Endings are... yeah. I tend to lose interest pretty quickly after the whumping is done. There's something wrong with my head. I love _reading_ the comfort-part, but I just can't _write_ it. Hope you enjoyed anyway!


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